I mentioned before that I was
going through some spiritual maintenance.
I’m starting to feel some changes taking place. By no means am I out of the shop but, it is becoming
clearer what improvements need to be made (this time around, anyway). I’ve been realizing that since I’ve dedicated
my life to Christ I have been very selective on what I’m willing to give Him
access too. It wasn’t intentional or
anything, I have always resisted change.
Even as a child, I was never impulsive and I never let others
impulsiveness intrude on my routine. I’ve
always needed control, needed a schedule and preferred solitude over
interacting with others. I guess I wasn’t
a very fun child to play with, huh? Anyway,
what I’m trying to say is that my comfort zone has always been very small and I’ve
always tried to stay in its boundaries.
I turned to Christ and it was
no different. I’ve been willing to give
Him everything; everything inside that small circle of a comfort zone, that is. I struggle with prayer, especially for other
people, especially out loud. I know we’re
not supposed to pray for show (Matthew 6:5) but we are supposed to pray with
our brothers and sisters in need (James 5:16).
I struggle with letting my emotion show, including and most of all,
joy. I’ve never been one to wear my
heart on my sleeve, so to speak. How was
anyone going to see the love of Christ in me?
I struggle with the need to stick to a strict schedule. Sometimes, I ignore
what He is tugging on my heart to do because I didn’t put that in as a part of
my day. Someone forgot to tell me that
God doesn’t make appointments. I suppose
my real struggle is just giving up that control. I gave Jesus my heart but didn’t want to hand
over the key.
I suppose that wasn’t enough
for Jesus so, in the shop I went. Since He
knows my heart, He knew my commitment was sincere; that I wanted to give Him
all of me but I was battling with my old self.
I would have lost that fight too if it hadn’t been for Him intervening. The work is not done yet and it never will
be. I will always be a work in
progress but I am starting to feel the improvements. The smile that has been in my heart is
starting to show on my face. Praying out
loud is still intimidating but He knows that sometimes the quickest way around
an obstacle is to go through it. So, He
is throwing prayer opportunities in my direction. I’m starting to see that not everything can
fit in a specific time allotment and its okay.
As long as His will takes priority then everything is right on time and
according to plan.
I see now that no one can grow
as long as they stay in their comfort zone because His work is bigger than what
we can do. He wants us in that
uncomfortable zone; that is where it is all about Him and He shines the
brightest because our controlling Self is out of the way. I know it is a process that won’t be complete
until He calls me home but I’m willing to do whatever He has set before me so
that He will be glorified.
If it doesn’t cost you
anything, it's not a sacrifice.
Here lately I feel that God has placed on my heart that we, as Christians, need to come together as the body of Christ; regardless of how our denominations divide us. So, I began having a Bible study with a pastor other than my own. I believe that different perspectives can lead to better understanding of God's Word but I am learning that it can also lead to greater confusion. I know that is the enemy at work; keeping me from growing in my faith. I could really use some clarification right about now.