Not all that is beautiful, is pretty

I remember when I first felt the call to serve Jesus; I tried to ignore it at first.  You know, the way most of us have tried to ignore the bill collectors when they call (Caller I.D. was such a beautiful invention).  And, just like with the bill collectors, I knew what Jesus wanted when He called.  He wanted me, not just some of me and not just on Sundays.  He wanted all of me, all the time.  I knew this, so I tried to ignore the call.  I knew that like the bill collectors, He wanted more than I wanted to give.  But lucky for me, He can’t be easily ignored like they can.  I couldn’t just turn off the phone or change my number and I eventually answered that call.  I remember my body trembling, the tears falling and even being afraid of what I was feeling because I had never felt anything like that before.  I had so many emotions that my mind could not sort them out and I had no other choice but to surrender them to Christ.  The experience of turning my life over to Jesus was beautiful.  Thank You, Jesus for being more persistent for my soul than bill collectors were for my money!

Now, being born again will always be the most beautiful experience that could ever happen here on earth but, Jesus never promises that it will always be pretty.  In fact, it’s quite the opposite.  In 2 Timothy 3:12 Paul writes, “Yes, and everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution.”  He said everyone will; not some and not maybe.  I’m thinking Timothy gave an Amen when he read that.  I’m thinking all Christians can give Paul an Amen to that.  Sometimes, it seems that we have a “no money down and no payment until...” mindset on our salvation but, it seems the “until” part never comes.  When we first become born again the down payment is easy: confess and repent your sins and believe Christ is the Son of God and He is you Savior.  Confess, repent, believe; I can afford that.  Then we sport our transformation around like a brand new car, showing it off to anyone that wants to see.  We’re armed with all the specs and perks His grace has to offer.  Then, we turn into salesmen to let everyone know they can afford all this too.  But, then, the payments start becoming due and that shiny new car starts to look a little dull.

The question is not whether or not we can still afford His salvation but whether or not we want to pay for it.  Sometimes, it’s not pretty.  Even though, we could never pay what His gift is worth; we should strive daily to pay with our obedience, even if that means to sacrifice. Not only is not always going to be pretty but sometimes it is going to downright hurt.  It could cost us relationships or financial stability, the freedom to go out and party or even the bitter taste of some humble pie because you have to forgive someone you don’t want to.  In my case, I had to learn to love everyone, not just those who loved me or that I felt deserved my love.  When Jesus sacrificed Himself on the cross; trust me, it hurt.  Just like when He was here on earth, He never asks anything of us that He isn’t willing to do Himself.  Even if He didn’t want to, even if it caused Him pain; He obeyed and paid the price that was ours to pay. Matthew 26:39 He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, "My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine."

Like I said before, He doesn’t want part of us, part of the time.  He wants all of us, all of the time.  When the call is answered and we give Him all we are and could ever hope to be; the reward will be great because we will stand before Him when He calls again to bring us home.  Even if the journey to get there comes with sacrifice or pain or isn’t pretty; it will be absolutely beautiful.

The Not So Comfortable Comfort Zone

I mentioned before that I was going through some spiritual maintenance.  I’m starting to feel some changes taking place.  By no means am I out of the shop but, it is becoming clearer what improvements need to be made (this time around, anyway).  I’ve been realizing that since I’ve dedicated my life to Christ I have been very selective on what I’m willing to give Him access too.  It wasn’t intentional or anything, I have always resisted change.  Even as a child, I was never impulsive and I never let others impulsiveness intrude on my routine.  I’ve always needed control, needed a schedule and preferred solitude over interacting with others.  I guess I wasn’t a very fun child to play with, huh?  Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that my comfort zone has always been very small and I’ve always tried to stay in its boundaries.

I turned to Christ and it was no different.  I’ve been willing to give Him everything; everything inside that small circle of a comfort zone, that is.  I struggle with prayer, especially for other people, especially out loud.  I know we’re not supposed to pray for show (Matthew 6:5) but we are supposed to pray with our brothers and sisters in need (James 5:16).  I struggle with letting my emotion show, including and most of all, joy.  I’ve never been one to wear my heart on my sleeve, so to speak.  How was anyone going to see the love of Christ in me?  I struggle with the need to stick to a strict schedule. Sometimes, I ignore what He is tugging on my heart to do because I didn’t put that in as a part of my day.  Someone forgot to tell me that God doesn’t make appointments.  I suppose my real struggle is just giving up that control.  I gave Jesus my heart but didn’t want to hand over the key.

I suppose that wasn’t enough for Jesus so, in the shop I went.  Since He knows my heart, He knew my commitment was sincere; that I wanted to give Him all of me but I was battling with my old self.  I would have lost that fight too if it hadn’t been for Him intervening.  The work is not done yet and it never will be.  I will always be a work in progress but I am starting to feel the improvements.  The smile that has been in my heart is starting to show on my face.  Praying out loud is still intimidating but He knows that sometimes the quickest way around an obstacle is to go through it.  So, He is throwing prayer opportunities in my direction.  I’m starting to see that not everything can fit in a specific time allotment and its okay.  As long as His will takes priority then everything is right on time and according to plan.

I see now that no one can grow as long as they stay in their comfort zone because His work is bigger than what we can do.  He wants us in that uncomfortable zone; that is where it is all about Him and He shines the brightest because our controlling Self is out of the way.  I know it is a process that won’t be complete until He calls me home but I’m willing to do whatever He has set before me so that He will be glorified.

If it doesn’t cost you anything, it's not a sacrifice.

Just in the shop

Psalm 55:22 Give your burdens to the Lord, and He will take care of you.  He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.

It’s been a few weeks since I have felt compelled to write anything and even today I’m in a very awkward place in my mind.  But, at least, I’m compelled to share something.  I’m not sure what it is, though.  So, I leave it to God to guide my fingers and use His words.  I always pray for that before I start writing but, I need His guidance especially now.  Not just to share it with those who read it but, for me who writes it.  

We all have our ups and downs in our walk with Christ.  There are times where we feel like our cup is overflowing with blessing and times where we feel parched because it seems the cup is empty.  Now, we know (or at least we should) that the cup is not really empty.  God doesn’t put a cap on how many blessings He gives.  Some might say that if the blessings seem to run dry; we have strayed and become undeserving of any.  I, disagree, for the simple fact, we have always been undeserving even when our cup was overflowing.  Instead, I view this dry time as God performing “spiritual maintenance” in our lives.  Just like our vehicles, if we want them to continue to run like the day we bought it we have to do maintenance on them.  Fluids need changed, tires need air and sometimes certain parts have exceeded their usefulness and just need replaced with a new one.  Of course, while our car is in the shop we can’t drive it and so; it sits there while it is being worked on.  Our walk is always going to be full of peaks and valleys and I think that it is in those valleys that we are just in the shop so to speak.

I’ve been in what seems to be a valley for the past few months now.  There hasn’t been anything really specific to complain about; like I said before just been in an awkward place in my mind.  It has felt like I’ve been just going through the motions.  The fire I had when I first got saved was dwindling down to a flicker.  It felt like it had been months since a sermon had reached my soul.  But, God is always faithful.  He has been sure to keep spiritually strong influences around me to keep me company while my spirit is undergoing some maintenance.  He knew I was in need of some reassurance and so a couple weeks ago when I was just going through the motions and going to Bible study He put it on my pastor’s heart to talk about the peaks and valleys that we go through and how the valleys are just as important (if not more so) than the peaks.  He also pointed out that to get to the next peak we need to go through another valley.  When I heard those words, I was reminded of an old saying that my previous pastor said for times like this: “Smooth seas never make good sailors.”  So, what my pastor was saying started to really resonate in me.  I’m sure I am not the only that has been listening to a sermon and thought, “This seems to be meant for me.”  Guess what?  Sometimes it is for you.  God is just using the speaker to tell you the message He has for you.  Praise God my pastor is interested in God’s will and not his own.

It is only when you combine knowledge with experience do you get wisdom.  And, with wisdom comes strength.  If this is true, then when I climb out of this valley, I will have the wisdom and the strength to get out of the next one. So, instead of giving me a blessing that is temporary, it is permanent.  My cup of blessings isn’t dry; God is giving me one that not only has unlimited refills but has the ability to be upgraded to a bigger cup.  I don’t know how long I will be in these rough seas but now I know God is not letting me drown; He is teaching me to swim.

Isaiah 41:10 Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.